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Claro Que Si’

May 14, 2014

Between relationships and office politics
basketball and alcohol
he started moving me
and making me dinner
I was getting thinner
by the minute as I lost the weight of unhappiness and anger
and gravity got the best of me
and pulled me toward him
pushed me forward
one reluctant foot in front of the other
until I was standing just under his chin
his eyes burning into mine
telling me things I didn’t want to know.
Like how strong he is and his depth of thought
and though he doesn’t quite know his own heart
I do
and looking in his eyes I can see how bright his soul shines
and his smile and laugh
and helping me forget the past
what was I to do?
but lean on him
and lean I did
and he lead me to places
I had forgotten about
like respect and kindness and space and ready apologies and the girl I used to know as me
And how love should never be dropping you to your knees
and requiring that you beg for mercy
and the juxtaposed position of new romance while attending funeral services for what I once thought was real love
rips my heart out and puts it back together with a few missing pieces
and ugly stitches and scars
but he’s been careful to match the thread with my favorite color at least
and he’s been kind to share his peace with me
while I break and fight and avoid and face up and deal and drink and leave and come back and get lost and found and give up and drown
And he unknowingly resuscitates me with a phone call, a smile, a well timed joke, a Spanish phrase, proper grammar, good spelling, or a cribbage game until I am swimming again. I am breathing again.
His voice dries my tears
His shoulders carry my fears
and he doesn’t even know it
if he does, he doesn’t even show it
Like the load is light, like he’s just that strong
like maybe there is place that I can belong
For now at least
While I look for the shelter of trees
As the rain pours down endlessly
and when I ask if I can just stay for awhile he says with a crooked grin, “Claro Que Si.’”
And he moves me.

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