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At Last

May 14, 2014

After 39 weeks, you would think it would have sunk in
You would think it would be real
You would think I would be ready
You would think I would be prepared
But, nothing could have prepared me for the love I would feel when you cried
When you joined out lives
When you were healthy
When you were living
When you were breathing
When your heart was still beating on the outside of me
Nothing could have warned me that I was about to meet the one person that I would do absolutely anything for.
No limits, no restrictions, no ‘if you do this, I will do that,’ no exceptions, exclusions or fine print
If you are sad, I am hurting
If you are happy, I am at ease
If you are crying, I am filled with anxiety until I can comfort you
My little Addie James
You have put music in my heart, in my life in ways that I never knew possible.
It is complete because of you, I am changed because of you
My life is at once less important and of monumental significance
I can’t believe God would bless me with something as perfect and beautiful as you and trust me to raise you
To do right by you
To be a good example, a good Mom, a good friend.
The blessings in my life are now so big I am simply dwarfed by the size of them
The meaning of them
The importance of them.
My heart soars and sinks on a wave of emotion as it comes to terms with the ways in which you’ve changed my life.
My soul is forever connected to yours and to your Daddy’s and those ties are stronger than any steel
Those ties are forever and beyond.
As I surrender to love like nothing I’ve ever known my heart grows bigger as my ego shrinks inside of me
To do right by you is all I live for, from here forward
And I love every second of it, every small and large change is wonderful and beautiful and you little Addilyn are here.
At last.

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